Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Tales From The Lint Trap: Tree Murder!!!

:headdesk:, but with someone else's head . . .

Okay, ranty type-thinger:


Those of us who do tree work, landscaping, and wood carving are not unenlightened barbarians who need to Evolve into our Higher Self. Or open ourselves to Teh Light/Love/Truth. Or get more in touch with Nature. Come spend a day getting muddy, buggy, and banged up working with me; you'll really be in touch with Nature, and be able to wax profound on blood sacrifices to it.

If you mow your lawn, use a weedeater/strimmer, have any animals that forage, or, in fact, go promenading through greenery for most of the year in any temperate to tropical climate, you obliterate several itty bitty baby tree shoots on a regular basis. Especially if you have these guys around burying next week's lunch in a 6" increment grid. Neither Gaia nor whoever else might be on call that day is going to drop a safe, anvil, or large unwieldy musical instrument sporting the letters ACME and a very frustrated coyote out of the sky on your head.

Now, am I going to go chop a whole healthy tree down to make a wand, coins, a cane or staff, or whatever? No. That's a waste of an established individual who has a job and is part of the immediate eco-community.

Or cut one just because my ego wants to live vicariously through my power tools? Yeah, right. Cuz that proves anything worthwhile other than that I need a life. Fer shur.

Am I going to raze an entire area just because some Twinklenuts insists that there be nothing in her pluperfectly arranged world other than Bradford pears, the nandina of the week, and soft touch hollies, just like last month's cover of Better Homes & Fashion Victims has? Eyeaaaahhh, that would be why I have a few dozen different weeds as ground covers.

Am I going to use wood that has been shaped in interesting ways by choking vines, wind and storm trauma, etc., or from a wooded area that could use some thinning? Yep. That stuff isn't going to live anyway. Doubly so if it falls on my frackking skull while I'm out looking. Double-doubly so if it wakes me up at 3 am with a UPG of instructions as to what it wants itself made into. Never argue with people like that. You won't win.

Statements like "We need to think about our choices; do we really need to show disrespect to one of The Mother's creations by satisfying our ego and vanity with a toy?"*  go in the same Suggestion Box as the ones about how pouring beer, wine, juice, or milk out on the ground as a libation is poisoning the environment, and I should only ever use purified water, or a compost brick**. Suggestion Boxes full of nice fluffy lint make excellent offertory fires, dontchano. How done do you like your marshmallow? Here's a stick to put it on; that tree over there dropped it cuz he doesn't need it anymore. Tell him "thanks Dude" and make sure your marshmallow cooking doesn't burn anything else, neh?

* Extra points off for using Condescending We in a self-appointed Teaching Moment, and assuming that someone who can't stand or walk without support is merely vain.

** Yes, someone(s) has actually taken umbrage over that. Imma just sit back here with some popcorn and watch them explain to The Old Man, The Dagda, and The Morrigan in particular why they're getting a lump of dried shit instead of the usual bottle of Arrogant Bastard, Black Mocha Stout, or Tadcaster Nut Brown. Check Youtube in a few days for the video, eh?


  1. Oooooh. If tM expects booze, and you offer her compost...I would put on a helmet and duck, because she's not gonna be happy.

    1. Yep. I generally decide what to put up as offerings by standing in front of my altar or wherever I'm doing something and asking what peeps want. It's usually an identifiable taste or smell, or I know when I see it because it'll sort of go ZING! in my head. Most or the time, she, The Dagda, The Old Man, Cernunnos, and Brigid go for some variety of dark beer, or on some occasions whiskey, cider, or milk. Got coffee a couple of times. It's interesting that they seem to be fine with the same thing; I've only had it come up that everybody wanted something different once.

  2. Yup...sustainability is about putting back more than you take. The only way to have zero impact on the environment is to go sit on a sack of seeds and decompose. Even then the rest of us would have to smell you... ;)

    1. Troof. What really makes me giggle insanely is when I hear this crap from people that can't even tell me what composting is but are certain that talking matter-of-factly about death indicates some sort of mental or spiritual illness . . .